Thursday, March 6, 2008

Five Things That Make Fantasy Gaming Awesome

Time to kick this blog off with a short list of awesomeness:

1. Tankards. A fantasy RPG character without a tankard of ale, mead, grog, or other suitably alcoholic drink is just a chump waiting to get someone else's tankard upside the head. Drinking from a goblet is a no-no, unless the cup of said goblet is made out of your most hated enemy's skull. Then it's actually more awesome than a tankard, but not by much.

2. Broadswords (see where this is going?). Sword nerds can debate what exactly constitutes a "broadsword", but deep down inside, your inner badass knows what we mean - a big, vicious sword good for hacking, slashing, stabbing, and chopping. Preferably something you can swing around with two hands if you want, for those really vicious de-limbings and beheadings.

3. Frank Frazetta. This guy has done more for gaming than just about anyone out there (except the late great E. Gary Gygax, of course). Flipping through a book of his art just makes you want to envision yourself standing in a mountain pass, holding untold numbers of savage, inhuman foes at bay while you turn them into red ruin through the use of bloody, unstoppable violence.

4. Dwarves. Forget John Rhys Davies and his dwarf-tossing jokes, Dwarves just kick ass (although they usually need a stool). Mincing little elves traipsing about in sun-kissed glades are for sissies. Dwarves live in ancient kingdoms of stone deep under mountains and fight never-ending battles against subterranean horrors. They smash goblins with war-hammers and cleave orcs with battle axes. They have kick-ass beards, drink vodka by the bucket (Rock On, Gotrek and Snorri), and they KNOW how to carry a grudge.

5. Giant Bugs. Whenever there's a period of boredom in your gaming session, the best remedy is always to have some giant homicidal bugs (spiders, beetles, wasps, whatever) show up and try to kick everyone's ass. Your whiny "why don't we try to parley with the orcs?" players will have no grounds on which to object to the smashing of a few giant wasps bent on driving their venom-dripping stingers through tender PC bodies. Giant bugs are like the Terminator - they cannot be reasoned with, they don't feel pity or remorse, and they absolutely will not stop until you are dead (or you collect their XP).


Jeff Rients said...

Preach it!

Badelaire said...

Sometimes, you just gotta let the navel-gazing go by the wayside and enjoy gaming for the little things.

Thanks for commenting here BTW - how'd you find the blog? I haven't linked to it anywhere.